How do learn to trust

When we fail to give others a fair chance and are expecting others to make mistakes or hurt us, we can fall into a self-fulfilling prophecy. By pushing those who may be healthy influences away, you may even be reinforcing the belief that the world is a scary, dangerous place filled with people meant to do you harm.

You might challenge yourself, and ask whether you are creating walls around you. When we conceal our vulnerabilities, or run away from them, we miss an opportunity to learn or grow; and we may unintentionally shut ourselves off from others. Taking an overly protective stance can lead to constant worrying about what others think or what might happen in the future.

It also takes away from our ability to be present within the moment. However, if you have been hurt by others in the past, it's only natural to feel concerned about whether or not it's safe to trust. We all need some degree of security, stability, and consistency in our relationships.

If we have not had these things, either within the families we grew up in or within our peer or social groups, then you may need to learn to practice self-care by protecting yourself emotionally—from abuse, manipulation, or conflicts—by limiting your contact with certain people and setting good boundaries.

One way to let those barriers down is to ask yourself, truthfully, if you have been hurt in the past, and if this might be influencing your relationships as a result. If you have been hurt, but think that you have dealt with these feelings, you might consider working with a therapist to examine, come to terms with, and begin to heal from your past. Understanding how the past influences your current relationships can help you become more aware of you triggers, fears, and defense mechanisms.

If you are afraid of being rejected or abandoned, try to remind yourself that there are many other people who will embrace you as you are. Engaging in the therapeutic process can also help you establish a deeper relationship with yourself, where you let go of internal judgment and criticism and learn self-forgiveness and compassion. Here are a few truths that can help you overcome fear of trusting:. It's normal to have these kinds of fears, but it becomes problematic if they prevent you from fully living life, taking risks, and pursuing your dreams.

Most of us stay away from risks to some degree, but when we fail to take risks completely, we are less likely to experience positive changes or move towards our dreams. Fear of failure, rejection, or embarrassment may be holding you back, and if you let these fears be stronger than your willingness to have new experiences or heal, you may feel stuck and uncertain that change is possible. If you are afraid to take a risk and trust because someone has hurt you before, that is a perfectly normal reaction.

However, when these fears become too intense, begin to influence you negatively within your day-to-day life, or prevent you from forming deep connections, it is a problem you need to fix. It is possible to learn to heal and trust again, so here are a few tips for building trust with people who are worthy of it.

Perhaps we're still scared to trust again. We think to ourselves, "Who can I trust? And how do I know I can trust them? But trust is one of those things that we can't just skip over. It's a crucial ingredient in our relationships ; some call it the foundation. Without it, it's really difficult to settle in and just love.

Here, I'm going to talk about eight truths of trust:. Let's start off with the undeniable truth: We all have reasons not to trust. What I mean by this is that we've all felt hurt, disappointed, rejected, scared, and abandoned. We have all suffered in some way, and we have all felt pain in relationships. Basically: We're all in the same boat.

I say this because it's comforting to realize that we're not alone. We're in this together, people! We've all been hurt, and we're all trying to avoid that happening again. Usually the way we try to avoid being hurt in relationships is by holding off on trusting until we know we are safe. Trusting becomes a mechanism of protection—if the person "earns our trust" then we will gladly give it to them. And this is the problem. Because there are never any guarantees. Asking someone to "earn our trust" often means we are asking them not to make any mistakes and not to cause us to feel uncomfortable feelings.

And this is an impossible task. Unfortunately guarantees are not found in relationships computers come with guarantees—not people.

And guarantees are definitely not found in our love relationships. We're way too complex for that. In fact—you're not going to like this—what you probably can guarantee is that you will feel hurt sometimes by the people you love.

I wish I could tell you otherwise, but the truth is that disappointment, rejection, fear, abandonment, and miscommunication are all part of the deal in relationships. We feel these feelings regardless of who we are with. Not because we are with untrustworthy people but because we are humans. Trusting is a decision you must make knowing that there aren't any guarantees. Trust is about signing up to work through hurt when it arises.

If we relate to trust through this perspective, then trusting becomes much easier. All of a sudden, we shift from trying to avoid being hurt which is impossible , to recognizing that we can move through anything that comes our way. This helps us feel empowered—and, therefore, a little more trusting and a little less fearful. When we use past experiences as reasons not to trust again, then we are really only hurting ourselves. Again, we all have reasons not to trust.

We all have a long list! Learning to trust people again is possible by starting small and working to build it over time. When you have faith in yourself and a belief that you can get through things and take risks, it will be easier for you to make the leap to trusting others.

Learn more about how to build your self belief. Shore up your inner resources so that you know you can and will survive if someone betrays your trust.

The inability to trust people is based on the fear of pain and betrayal. If you know you will be able to cope if the worst happens, this will make trusting easier.

Professional counselling may be helpful if you feel that you cannot move beyond your trust barriers. Often, universities or schools may be able to provide support to those looking to speak to a counsellor. Just take it one step at a time. Maybe share one thing with one person and see how it feels. Maybe just tell them that you are having a bad day and see how it goes. Trust builds slowly.

It is also an emotionally safer strategy. Recognise that even if you are the most cynical and untrusting person in the world, you still have a small amount of trust in the universe. By starting small it may help reassure you that you can trust others also. The people we put our trust in may let us down, but this does not mean that we should never trust them again. Practicing forgiveness, by letting go of the times people may have broken your trust, can help you to move forward in relationships without what happened in the past hanging over you.